are ticking away and its been a great ride. Every decade after my teens has just gotten better and better and although I miss the hair and waistline of my high school years I’m much happier here. Youth, as my father would say, is wasted on the young.
When the clocks moves past midnight tonight I’ll be on the grand journey of the 50’s and if the 40’s are any indication it should be a great run as well. The next few months will be a sabbatical and I hope to relax, learn, and become better at what I’m called to do in the Church as I develop what I do on stage.
I want to write more, travel more, get that doctorate. It’s good to be a grown up but I still want the kid inside to have a place to play. I feel more human now then I ever have and the moments are more precious and therefore more alive. Whatever old is I don’t feel it and the shallowness of youth has, for the most part, passed away.
Yes, I realize there are more years behind than ahead. I see that everyday in the flecks of gray in my hair and the lines emerging on my face. Yet I plan on staying alive for however much time lies ahead and slide into home head first and safe when its all done.
Regrets? Sure. There are people from the late teens and early twenties that I wish I could apologize to for being so needy, so weird, and so hungry for a human touch that I went through their lives like a loose chainsaw. Until that time comes I often pray for them, asking God in His mercy to bless them beyond whatever damage I have done.
Joys? Absolutely! I won the marriage lottery and I’ve been blessed with family, friends, and so many good things over the years. I’m rich in everything except money but occasionally I still buy a lottery ticket just in case. My life and my career have been spent in caring for others and it gets tiring sometimes but never gets old. If today was my day to leave I’d be sad for things yet to do, the horizons left to explore, but I’m certainly not ashamed of living a life trying in some small way to make people’s lives better.
So tick away clock, you’d do it even if I asked you to stop, and speed me on my way. I’ll try to make each second count and finish the race well. When my time comes I want death to catch me, wide awake, fully alive, and ready as I can be to stand before my Maker. But until then…